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What is a religious congregation, a religious community? And what makes this one a place where you and I want to be?
A common question asked by many people is, “What is an organization if not the people who make it up?”. And I nod my head in agreement to that remark even though I know it isn’t true. Any organization or group takes on its own personality. It becomes its own entity, its own being.
We are adaptable creatures; if we were not there would be no language, no culture. We adapt to local circumstances, local place and local culture.
That is why a person in one group may be shy, retiring, bumbling or awkward but when placed in another group may display an astonishing level of leadership and self confidence. The first setting is soul deadening for that person; the second is soul inspiring for that person.
Rabbi Friedman looked at family systems theory, applied it to congregational life and discovered that the two systems, family and congregation, are remarkably alike.
In an unhealthy family pain and hurt are kept silent.
And when pain or hurt are named they, they are denied, belittled. And if the person naming them either for themselves or for another family member, persists in doing so they are met with anger in response. That person becomes the focus on the family’s pain, that person becomes the scapegoat for all of the hurt in the family.
In a healthy family, when pain and hurt are named they are heard, acknowledged, the issue is faced and resolved, and the family moves on with love, forgiveness, acceptance and affirmation.
Congregations are no different.
In a healthy community the windows are doors are open. That is, the congregation does not withdraw from the outside world. Fresh air and light are allowed in. People inside can see out and people outside can see in. People come in and bring the world with them, they bring their joys and sorrows their celebrations and hurts. And they go out carrying courage, strength and hope into the world.
And the door is open to let new people and new ideas in.
To me what make a genuine religious community is when people covenant together, formally or informally, to share the religious journey of search, and to do so with love and mutual respect while nurturing one another physically, emotionally and spiritually. And when problems arise the community responds in healthy ways.
The word “covenant” has the following Etymology according to Merriam Webster:
“Middle English, from Anglo-French, from present participle of covenir to be fitting, from Latin convenire”
Convenire in Latin means to assemble or come together. In religious terms it refers to a kind of mutual contract that is binding but that also allows for failure and restoration. It allows for that dreaded word, “forgiveness”. In a simple contract if one party does not live up to the agreement, there typically are either penalties or the contract is null and void. In a covenant, however, when there is a violation the focus of effort is on restoring the relationship.
Covenant recognizes the two fold truth that human beings are fallible and that relationships evolve. A covenant also is usually more general than a contract. In a marriage or life partnership ruled by contract, people might stipulate who will do the dishes and when. In a marriage or life partnership governed by covenant, the focus is on love, honesty and mutual care; the question of who will do the dishes is left to circumstances, need and mutual concern and care. Imagine if you will that two people are in a civil union or marriage together, and after fifteen or twenty years the one “assigned” to do the dishes becomes sick, whether with a cold or with something serious. If they have a contractual relationship, then even if you are sick, failure to do the dishes may void the relationship. Most of us would recognize the impropriety of that. What’s wrong there is that love and generosity are absent. In a contractual relationship we are likely to say, “Dishes? Not my job!”; in a covenantal relationship we step up and does the dishes, because that is what you do.
In a covenantal community at its best, that is, in a religious community at its best, people step up and do things. They do things for one another and they do things for the community. Not because their contract requires them to, but because their covenant, their relationship, whether formal or not, calls them to.
One of the things people are assessing when they walk into a congregation, whether they know it or not, is the level of community, of mutual trust, of mutual care. That is, they are assessing the covenant that exists in that place. Oh, they check out the theology and the type of worship and the principles of the religious education program. But they also judge the sense of community. Does this place live up to its claims, do these people live out their stated principles, or is this yet another place where people make claims about themselves that they just do not fulfill?
Today I want to share with you my firm belief that this is a really wonderful congregation and a truly special place.
Our Universalist forebears rejected the Calvinist notion that most people were damned to hell. They said that a loving parent God could never condemn any of his children to hell for eternity, so all are saved. One criticism aimed at the Universalists was that without hell people had no reason to be good. Remove the threat of punishment and we will see lawlessness. The Universalists responded in two ways. First, they said, look at the Universalists in this country and show us the criminals; there are few or none. And secondly, they said when people here the good news that God loves them, that they are already saved and that they will spend eternity in blissful communion with God, they will be filled with joy and happiness and will want to share that happiness, will do good works, will be generous with what they have, because happy people do not commit crimes. Happy people want others to be happy.
How do you feel about being here today?
Do you feel joy and happiness? You should—that is not meant to mean that you should feel guilt if you don’t; it just means that you should be happy because of the wonderful thing that you have here.
We live in a world where harsh judgment is the standard. We live in a world where people know exclusion and rejection for all kinds of reasons.
People come to this place for a variety of reasons and many of them arrive here having faced rejection elsewhere.
Some because they want religious education for their children, with as little damage as possible because they remember the damage they suffered.
Some come because they want a sense of community, of belonging; some because they want to touch or reconnect with themselves or other people or God or some other something. Some are here because they want to put their faith into action and this community feels akin to their social views. Some come because there is pain in their life and they are looking peace or comfort; and some come for answers to questions they may not even be able to formulate yet.
Everyone came here for the first time in search of something. People stay because find something, though it may not have been what they thought they were seeking.
What exists here that drew or kept you here? What intellectual stimulation, what emotional connections, what personal changes have happened for you here? Which do you hope will continue into the future?
A lonely person walks into this place full of people; someone smiles, holds out a hand of welcome, and the world changes for that no longer lonely one.
Someone seeking community walks in here takes a chance and lights a candle one Sunday morning, sharing a pain that is in their lives. And at coffee hour they are approached not with solutions but with concern and support; they are approached by a living community.
Someone who is carrying hurt from a vicious dispute in another congregation arrives here and wonders, will these people tear at each other the same way those other self-proclaimed loving people did? And they discover that though we have disagreements, and though we may become emotional about what we are saying, still, respect is maintained and people’s differences of opinion do not become ongoing resentments and do not divide the community. They discover that we can disagree and still have coffee and talk and give support to one another.
Someone with religious questions walks into this religious community and instead of being told to stop asking questions or to pray to God asking that God change their thinking and take away their questions, as has happened to them so many times before, finds instead that their questions are welcome; that their untraditional beliefs are welcome; that even their disbeliefs are welcome. They find that their religious ideas are shared, or if not shared at least not despised or ridiculed. And then they know that they are really welcome here.
A couple arrive at our door, refugees from other religious traditions because they are the same sex, and they come here wondering, will I—will we, will our relationship—be accepted? Will this place live up to the claims that every place makes: the claim of accepting all; or will we be told once again that the door is open and we are welcome but that we need to give up our sinning ways, that we need to give up each other if we would be truly included? Or, a little more kindly, will we be told we are welcome but please don’t be too blatant about your relationship, we don’t want it rubbed in our faces, and there are children present? And that couple walks in here and they find that they are finally home.
All of this is absolutely remarkable in our world and in our society.
This is a wonderful place. And you tell me that. How many of you have said to me in private, “this is a wonderful group of people”. How many of you have said to me, “I have never found this anywhere else”. How many of you have said to me, “When I walked in the door here I knew I was home”.
We do fail sometimes.
If we are honest, and that is one of our qualities here, we do fail sometimes. We as a community miss someone’s pain, or we as individuals think negative thoughts about someone’s religious beliefs, or think of someone as weak because they yield to tears over some pain in their life that we think is nothing. That happens. It happens because we are not perfect. We are not perfect because we are only human.
So we do not always live up to our proclaimed principles; but we do strive to, and do so to the best of our abilities. And that makes this place special.
This is a wonderful place and we are going to make it even better. You see in your order of service that we will be starting a Small Group Ministry program. There is a planning meeting for that on Tuesday, March 27 and anyone interested in helping to get that going is welcome.
And we try through our Caring Committee and our Pastoral Care Team to serve the needs of people in the congregation.
Our Social Action program serves people beyond our walls.
These are all examples of people being moved to do something because it serves others, either here or in the broader community. These are examples of people who give generously of their time and of work. This is a soul inspiring place.
And I ask you, given how special this place is, given the rarity of it in the world we live in, given that what are you inspired to do to keep that abundance of wonderfulness flowing?
For yourself, yes; for your children if you have any, yes; for our children, the children of this congregation; but more, for others who are here, for others who are not here yet; for a world that does not yet know what could be? What are you inspired to give in time, work and resources to see that this astonishing place continues into the future? What are you inspired to give and do to see that this place becomes better and stronger, serves ever more people with its soul inspiring message of hope? What is it worth in this world?
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